Parenting Foster Youth with Anxiety: Support, Connection, Advocacy | YMCA Foster Care

Parenting is never easy, but caring for a child who struggles with anxiety can feel especially overwhelming. For children and teens in foster care, anxiety can take on deeper, more complex layers. The experience of being removed from their home of origin—even when necessary for their safety—can be deeply traumatic. Feelings of fear, abandonment, confusion, and loss are common, and often show up as anxiety.

Anxiety is more than occasional worry; it can be a persistent, overwhelming force that affects a child’s thoughts, behaviors, and daily functioning.

It might look like:

• Refusing to go to school
• Avoiding social situations
• Trouble sleeping or eating
• Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes
• Physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches

Recognizing that anxiety is real—and not a sign of weakness or poor behavior—is the first step toward supporting a child through it.

As a foster parent, it's essential to approach your caregiving with a trauma-informed mindset. That means understanding that a child’s anxiety may not be about what's happening today—it may be a response to what has already happened. Offer consistency, patience, and compassion. Trust is built slowly. Healing takes time. But with safe relationships and the right support, foster youth can learn to manage their emotions, build healthy attachments, and grow in confidence.

What a Child Needs from You

1. Validation

Children need to know their feelings are real and that you take them seriously. Even if their fears seem irrational to you, avoid minimizing or dismissing them. Instead, try saying, “I see that this is really hard for you. I'm here, and we’ll get through it together.”

2. Consistency and Routine

Anxious children—especially those with trauma histories—thrive on predictability. A daily rhythm provides a sense of safety and helps reduce the uncertainty that fuels anxiety. Share plans in advance when possible, and keep transitions smooth and predictable.

3. Tools, Not Just Comfort

While it’s natural to want to soothe an anxious child, your long-term goal is to equip them with skills to manage their anxiety. Breathing exercises, journaling, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation can all be helpful tools. Therapy—especially trauma-informed approaches and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—can make a significant difference.

4. Gradual Exposure to Fears

Avoidance might bring short-term relief, but it often reinforces fear over time. Support your child in facing their fears in small, manageable steps. Celebrate each success, no matter how small.

5. Your Own Calm Presence

Children often take emotional cues from the adults around them. When you stay calm and grounded, it helps them feel safe. Prioritize your own mental health and model healthy coping strategies during stressful moments.

When to Seek Help

If anxiety is interfering with a child’s ability to attend school, maintain relationships, or participate in everyday life, it may be time to seek additional support. At the Y, our experienced staff can help connect your family with the services you need whether through our programs or trusted community partners.

You can also reach out to the child’s pediatrician or school counselor for further guidance. Asking for help is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of commitment to the child’s well-being.

Tips for Foster Parents

• Learn about anxiety and trauma, and how they affect children and teens
• Communicate openly and without judgment
• Encourage—but don’t pressure—participation in school and social activities
• Praise effort and progress, not just outcomes
• Avoid labels like “shy” or “nervous”—children are more than their anxiety
• Make space for joy, play, and moments of connection

Parenting a child with anxiety—especially one who has experienced trauma—requires patience, empathy, and persistence. But your presence, care, and belief in them are powerful tools in their healing journey.

Whether you are a biological, adoptive, or foster parent, your love and support can help a child move from surviving to thriving. At the Y, we are here to walk alongside you. Our case managers and licensing staff are ready to help you navigate mental health challenges and connect with the right tools and training for your family. It often takes time, flexibility, and many approaches to find what works - but you are not alone. Learn more about fostering with the Y >>